THE OTHER SIDE OF SELF-CARE
“TRUE SELF- CARE IS NOT BATH SALTS AND CHOCOLATE CAKE, IT’S MAKING THE CHOICE TO BUILD A LIFE YOU DON’T NEED TO ESCAPE FROM”
- Brianna Wiest
Amidst the demands of mothering and pregnancy, self-care is crucial so we can stay buoyant and balanced amidst the caos.
Self-care is defined as any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Essentially this activity or habit will make us feel more like ourselves. Self- care is unique to everyone. Often I feel very topped up when plunging myself into a project, rather then opting for a solo beach walk.
For me self-care can definitely be something that can get buried at the back of the washing basket with the smelly socks. Often it isn’t until my body is tense and I am yelling at my kids, that I realise self -care needs to be set in place. Sacrificing my self serves no one!
As Brianna West has beautifully summed up often self care can get portrayed as a candlelit bath, yoga class or getting your nails done. This form of self care definately has its place, So many times a candle, tea and an epsom salt bath can melt all my worries away! Though I don’t think this form of self-care is the whole picture.
Some of these forms of self-care can be a band aid for a deep problem that needs to be addressed with a permanent solution. Fundamental to our wellbeing is another more long term and sustainable self-care that nourishes us and our families on a deep level.
The challenges of family, work and relationships are inevitable, so what supports you to maintain your wellbeing amidst this, rather then having to escape from it.
The most fundamental form of self care for me would have to be working on myself and investing in emotional growth. When I am doing this deep work, processing and clearing old wounds, moving through, not around emotions and rewriting my beliefs systems there is less need for a salt bath or beach walk. I come home to myself with a more relaxed nervous system.
When our nervous system is settled, so is our children’s, in and out of the womb.
When my partner free’s me up with the kids I often spend the time, diving into my inner world to process things that may be blocking me from being the best version of myself. As someone that has had mental health issues in the past, it has been fundamental to invest in my wellbeing in this way, so I can be present to my kids and give more fully. Having a toolkit of support people and therapists has been key to creating a fulfilling parenting and relationship journey.
HEALTHY MUM= HEALTHY BUB
Reflecting on these two forms of self-care. Can you put together your own self-care tool kit. Here is an example of mine:
SELF CARE A
These are the regular positive habits that keep me afloat on a short term basis:
Kundalina morning yoga practice
Boxing workout
Tea and chat with friends
Feeding my mind: writing, reading, projects
Bath or shower
Getting into Nature
Meditation
Ocean swim
Nourishing food
SELF CARE B
These are things that shift my state on a deep cellular level and change things in the long term, so I can feel more relaxed and fulfilled within the family.
Therapy (I prefer body based psychotherapy such as core energetics)
Rewriting old beliefs
Releasing fear, grief and sadness
Deepening significant relationships and intimacy
Challenging myself to grow
Breathwork
Dance or shaking to release energy
Subconscious work including Dream work and Art Therapy
Resolving emotional triggers or stressors coming from the family
Both components are integral to sustaining a positive wellbeing throughout mothering. The next time we are rushing off for a bath and choc cake to ease our souls, can we tune in if that is really what we are needing or does our soul need a good scream into a pillow or a deep cry with a loved one instead?
How can you deepen your self care habits so you can relax your nervous system and create long lasting change, with less need for salt baths and chocolate cake?
If you are wanting to deepen you self care practice Nest Pregnancy offers one on one sessions for expecting mamas and mothers. As well as a 5 Past course for pregnancy to empower you on the transformational journey into mothering.
If your looking for additional support, happy to share therapists I have worked with along the way too.