IN THE THICK OF MOTHERING
In these current times of being home in the thick of home schooling or unschooling it has become visible how I parent. In the slowness I am reflecting on my motherhood journey and what it is to be mother?
From as long back as I can remember I have always felt maternal, nurturing is a comfy place. When I was younger I often fantasised about having a big preggy belly. I started babysitting from a young age and before having a family would pour that instinct into feeding flatmates, hosting parties or playing mother on a creative project.
Despite feeling the destiny to be mother in every cell of my body, there is days when I dodge the role, when I push my boys away or get distracted in my ego’s pursuit’s. There is so much room to grow, to stretch to the edges of this role and own the nurturing giver in me.
I can witness that there are neglected corners, that I can spill more warmth and love into. Crevices beckoning for presence and tenderness.
Different points in my mothering journey have called me to rise to this role. Giving birth has had a fundamental role in activating my mother. As I brought children into the world my cells have remembered the gifts and power of being a woman.
Other then birth there has been turning points along the road that have thrown me willing or not into owning more of my mother.
In the thick of my eldest child being sick a year ago I dug into a depth of mothering I never new I had. He was first hospitalised with a kidney abscess as a result of infection and then had a severe drug reaction to the iv antibiotics that had treated it. During this time I had never felt so incredibly grounded and present to the role of mother, every day and night I felt in absolute fight or flight mode. As though I was at the front line of war fighting for his life. Advocating for his life and health. This experience awakened me to the authority I have as mother, the incredible wisdom and knowing I have of my child’s need.
I vividly remember my son in the first helicopter flight he had to brisbane in the middle of the night. Only one person could go with him and we felt that best to be my partner, As I watched the helicopter take off I sat in the car park below breastfeeding my younger boy and felt the strongest feeling I could of ever imagined, grounding his soul so deep into the earth. I felt like the heaviest anchor in the world keeping him in this world, I was not going to let him go!!
This was such a vivid and strong memory like the memories of strength I carry from labour, I carry these moments when Tallow was sick as reminders of my strength as a mother and the irreplaceable significance I have to my children’s life. Life has the habit of throwing us into exactly what we need to wake up, heal and love more.
Each day I hold the pen for our families lives, writing stories and memories sketched in their cells.
What a privilege and honour to continue to grow into this role in all it’s flavours and intricacies.
What a ride!